found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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