Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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