He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
