Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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