dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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