I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
