I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
