I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
