I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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