So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
