why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
