Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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