bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
