I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
