Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cockslap morals
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
