looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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