New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
