so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
a search helicopter?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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