you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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