she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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