she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
