my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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