It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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