he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
