Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
