she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize