Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
