Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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