he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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