so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Barsexuality is the new black.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
