If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
