Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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