Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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