If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
