I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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