you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
