A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
