I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
