38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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