it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
