He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize