woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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