There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
