if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
