i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
