I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize