What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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