I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
