maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
