I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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