I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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