I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
