how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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