did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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