so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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