the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
