We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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