then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i think im in europe. pls send help
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