I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
