So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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