SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
