I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
