i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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