I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
