Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
