If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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