I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
