maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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