Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
